When I was in high school, classical singing was my life. I lived and breathed opera and art songs. My dream was to get into a Bachelor of Music (BMus) program for vocal performance.
My world came crashing down when I got sick with the flu. I was sick for two weeks. I could barely talk, and it took a month for my speaking voice to return to normal. Slowly, I started singing again. (I needed to make three recordings for my college auditions.) But my voice felt sluggish and my highest notes were gone. My throat felt tense constantly, even when I wasn't singing. I saw an otolaryngologist (ENT), but he — and two other providers — said everything looked fine.
I made and submitted my audition recordings, but I wasn't happy with the results. The audition committee at my top school seemed to agree because they accepted me into the Bachelor of Arts program (a liberal arts degree), rather than the professional-track BMus.
I was devastated. I loved the college and the music program, but I was limping through my lessons. My teachers were unhappy with my slow progress and clearly stated that they would not support my efforts to pursue graduate vocal study. I moved to Philadelphia and took jobs in arts management.
Then I heard about a teacher who rehabilitated injured singing voices, and everything changed. She referred me to a laryngologist (an ENT who specializes in voice). Ten years after the problems began, he diagnosed me with viral induced vocal fold paresis (a weakening of the nerves that control the vocal cords) and muscle tension dysphonia (a pattern of tension that negatively affects the voice). I had built up years of tension around my throat and jaw, which I found almost impossible to release. In between voice therapy sessions, I turned to mindfulness and yoga.
Mindfulness made me aware of exactly how tension showed up for me. I learned to relax muscles that had been overworking and engage those that had been underworking. With guidance from my voice therapist, I regained vocal range, stamina, and power. I could truly sing again. (Although vocal fold paresis is lifelong, I am a muscle tension dysphonia success story. I do still experience some neck tension, but it no longer negatively affects my voice.)
I began teaching voice and performing. I got married and had two children. My second pregnancy coincided with one of the worst flu seasons in recent memory. (Deaths were nearly double the usual rate.) I became very sick. When I returned to my laryngologist, I was told that the paresis had worsened. He also found sulcus vocalis (grooved scarring) on my left vocal cord. This time, I knew so much more about how to engage in the healing process, but progress was extremely slow. I gave up performing and began grieving.
Again, I turned to mindfulness. I didn't expect it to improve my vocal symptoms, but I needed it to help me cope with loss. I trained as a mindfulness teacher and ran a study to determine whether mindfulness could help others with voice disorders. The resulting paper, which was published in the peer-reviewed Journal of Voice, concluded: “An 8-week mindfulness course shows promise for reducing stress in people with voice disorders, lowering voice handicap, and improving quality of life.” Additionally, the study showed that participants' average voice handicap score went down nearly 11 points. (Voice therapy typically produces a change of 13 points.)
I now teach a mindfulness courses for people with voice disorders. The course uses the same curriculum tested in the study. Any good researcher will tell you that results are never guaranteed. However, I can say with confidence that I created the course I wish I had had when I was struggling with my diagnoses.
This live, online mindfulness course is a supportive place for people with something difficult in common to come together as a group. The course is specifically tailored for the needs of people with voice disorders. But it is more than a support group. We will be learning together how to apply the tools of mindfulness to our vocal struggles.
I hope you can join us for the 8-week course or a $15 drop-in session!
