In one of my mindfulness classes for people with voice disorders, a student said, “I’m afraid that if I don’t do my voice therapy exercises perfectly, I’ll never get better.”
When we are suffering, it’s natural to want to fix or get rid of the source of pain. This can lead to a sense of needing to be the “perfect patient.” Or, if medical interventions haven’t fully helped us, we may feel the need to obsessively search out alternative remedies.
Mindfulness offers us the possibility of a different approach. What if, instead of resisting reality, we accept it as it is? We can still do our voice therapy exercises without the pressure of doing them “perfectly.” We can still pursue medical or therapeutic options, while also working on accepting our vocal imperfections.
I believe that perfectionism is a self-protective mechanism. It gives us the illusion of control, which we hope will protect us from further suffering. But the perfect patient may not experience complete healing. And the best medical care may not fully resolve complex voice problems.
So how do we let go of perfectionism? Acceptance and self-compassion are antidotes to perfectionism. We can reduce our suffering by letting go of resistance to reality. When we accept what is, we stop fighting what isn’t. This allows us to release what we can’t control and focus on areas where our efforts can make a difference. (The Lovingkindness Meditation can be a helpful tool for releasing perfectionism.)
We can start valuing vulnerability over perfection. When we are vulnerable with others, we foster closeness and connection. A singer who can be emotionally vulnerable can touch an audience more deeply.
What happened to the mindfulness student who felt she needed to do her vocal exercises perfectly? She couldn't do them successfully because she had been misdiagnosed. When she got the right diagnosis and the right treatment, she described the results as “miraculous.” In her words, “I didn’t realize how hard I was working to talk. … Meeting others who sound like me and understand what I am experiencing helped me immeasurably.”
